Article 01 · Resources
Why do we care so much about what others think? Anxiety is fear of the other
In this article we explore why we feel nerves, shyness or panic in social situations. You will discover that anxiety is not a flaw of your brain, but a survival instinct that has “moved” into your social life, and you will learn tools so that other people’s gaze stops being a threat.
We often think anxiety is an excess of worry about the future, but if we scratch the surface we find something deeper: it is social anguish. In the animal world, fear serves to warn of a threat to physical life, such as a predator’s attack. In human beings, however, that instinct has been “re-inscribed” in a social key. Today our greatest fear is not dying under a tiger’s claws, but suffering a “social death”: being rejected, censured or excluded from the group.
Imagine for a moment that you have to give a talk in front of your coworkers or take an exam. Although rationally you know there is no real danger to your life, your body reacts as if you were in the middle of the jungle: you sweat, your heart races and your muscles feel numb. This happens because that man in glasses who is evaluating you triggers in you the same alarms as a predator. For your brain, another person’s displeasure is equivalent to death because, historically, if the group rejected us, our survival was at risk.
This problem affects your daily life by turning you into a “trembling little animal”. It leads you to live on the defensive, to not dare say what you think for fear that they will get angry, or to be an extreme perfectionist to avoid any possible criticism. Anxiety becomes an uninvited guest who joins all your conversations and keeps you from enjoying the present.
Practical section
Tame your inner lion cub
Anxiety is like a wild cub: it won’t disappear, but you can train it.
Accept the “worst-case scenario”
When you feel social fear, ask yourself: “What is the worst that can happen if I make a fool of myself?” Imagine yourself in that situation and accept it. If you lose your fear of the consequence (rejection), anxiety loses its power over you.
The ridicule maneuver
Challenge your anxiety by voluntarily exposing yourself to “embarrassing” but safe situations. For example, wear a flashy piece of clothing or ask something obvious in a meeting. This helps your brain understand that the world doesn’t end if the other person’s gaze is critical.
Shift your focus
When mental rumination (turning a problem over and over) catches you, remember that your attention is a resource. Instead of looking “inward” to check your symptoms, direct your attention “outward”, to the task you are doing or the person in front of you.
If any of this resonates with you, we can think it through together.
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